驚覺
我的人生原來是
一連穿的逃跑堆疊建構而成。
厭惡了一個段落就想立刻結束
收拾行裝出發
重新開始直到又開始厭惡
形成
一個
繞不完跳不出的迴圈
Les Miserables
"I Dreamed A Dream"
Fantine唱著
"I had dreamed my life would be
So different from this HELL I’m living
So different now from what it seems
Now life has KILLED the dream I dreamed."
I remember when we first learnt the song,
And we sang as from the bottom of our hearts.
From the hell we were in.
"Now life has killed the dream I dreamed."
I am not gonna let it happen again.
NOT.
NEVER.
I am not the naïve Fairy anymore.
I know that there is a reality, which we have to live in.
And I've decided to learn to MANIPULATED it,
By creating a so-called functioning Fairy,
Which is operated by the Fairy in No Man's Land.
Yet there are those moments when the circuit of self-bashing occurred.
That all I want is pack up and leave and start over again.
But I guess that this is how the pathway looks like.
Sometimes painful, stressful and frustrating.
I am not giving up the insanity inside me,
Because that is what I truly am.
所以
原來我的人生
是一整個充滿
衝突矛盾還有逃跑。
*This article is dedicated to my dearest Anne, who has always been by my side,
for happy or sorrow, better or worse.
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